I was tormented by a feeling of guilt for a long time with respect to Sasha. It reminded me the plot of the film “Island”; it had something in common with this film. We had a competition with each other, later we saw each other in Odessa; again it was the notorious Met-Art. Now time has arranged everything in their right places.
For some period of time I thought that Sasha had tricked Maurizio when he had bought his photos of 13 years old models. But not, everything is continuing now it is like a double game. I have met my old fried Yura Devyatkin. With presence of Erotella I asked him a question, whether there were photos of under aged girls on the Met-Art. He answered shortly that there were, there are and there will be photos of under aged girls there. Several girls have recently come to him according to the ad for posing for a photo. He checked their certificates and it was found out that they were under aged. He asked them to come in a year or two when they would be 18 years old. In a month their photos were on the Met-Art. They have always asked younger girls and they did not check strictly their certificates and releases. Devyatkin says that Ingret and a lot of others permanent authors of the Met-Art are not fastidious about such shootings…Later cameramen and models became used materials and the same thing happened to Sasha but he wrote fairly about it…
A. Fradise
MEDICAL REPORT
For the last 2 years I have been suffering from the progressive paranoia, which is evident in constant sense of insecurity, in distrust to the people who surround me (including best friends), in perception that bad things are venturing secretly against etc. Understanding that all these things are just my fantasy at the same time I can not escape from this condition by my conation and I think that I need professional help. By the run I want to mark that I do not consider this condition as «depressive» this does not influence my availability and I have not got suicide tendencies (but to tell the truth that sometimes I have got thoughts about that there is the «ultimate decision»).
Of course all this occurred not without cause. The less 2 factors influenced my syndrome: About 8 years ago I was found of esotericism, of mysticism and of many psychotechnics from Yoga, Quigong to bioenergetics and shamanism. In order to feel the result of this psychotechnic as soon as possible I started taking virulent psychotropic agents – they were dissociatives and stimulators (phencyclidine, ketamine and pervitin). Taking pervitin intravenously caused mental addiction to this drug and for about 4 years I was taking methamphetamines (from 2001 to 2006). I want to mark that firstly I have never taken classical drugs such as – opiates, heroine and etc. and secondly I have never taken psychotropic agents for getting high I was doing it in order to enter to the conditions of alter consciousness and in order to «work» with these conditions. And I also want to mark that from the very beginning of taking psychotropic agents I gave up drinking alcohol and until now I feel aversion to alcohol.
In 2004 I realized that overuse of methamphetamine does not enable my extrasensory perception (but to tell the truth this moment I want to discuss in others conditions), and also methamphetamine has made a junky from me. Only with my effort of will I made myself to give up taking drugs and I was in total remission for about one year. But in summer of 2005 my acquaintance with one American drug dealer made me to use methamphetamine again (but it was not intravenously it was oral introduction). As the result in spring of 2006 I was about to loose my mind (more over when I was taking drugs I violate my psyche by a huge amount of meditations, after that aural and visual hallucinations started following me). At last in March of 2006 I took a decision to give up taking psychotropic agents for good and I follow this decision even nowadays. So it seemed that my paranoia had to leave me (it was like that during the several last remissions), but paranoia does not leave me and I even think that it is progressive. I also want to mark that hallucinations left me about one year ago and they have not occurred again.
2. In-parallel with taking psychotropic agents the destabilization of my psyche also caused work at the art project called «Alice-Lolita-Lilit» (from 1996 to 2002 ), to be more accurate, the events connected with this job caused it.
I have always interested in « demonic attraction » of nymphets, which was told about by Nabokov in «Lolita». In order to solve this problem I decided to resort to the artistic photo and dramaturgy («My photo theatre») and to treat this phenomenon no in casual style but in esoteric plan. Of course that my referring to this ticklish and «dangerously explosive » area was made not only by the art interest, but also it was made by the case that I have always liked girls from 9-14 years old. But I do not identify myself as a pedophile because in sexual area I like and I have always liked only adult women, nymphets attract me only with their magnetism, with their energy field which surrounds them.
In the visual arts (painting, sculpture and art photo) paid tribute to this area such famous masters as Charles Johnson (more known as Lewis Karrol, the author of immortal «Alice»), Baltus, D. Hamilton, H. Sawatari, G. Ovenden, R. Oliver, and John Sturges, S. Mann, А. Chepulinskayte, Jan Saudek and others. Their works are the highly artistic products; they appreciated by the art historians and critics, and also by the huge public. Their products are situated in the best museums of the world; they are also published in periodicals of huge runs in the capacity of albums and catalogues.
My first steps in the artistic photo were very successful and promising. During 1996-1998 I had several personal exhibitions in Munich, Odessa and in Kishinev (and for 1999 there were planned exhibitions in Moscow and in St. Petersburg but we did not manage them due to technical problems. There were very good opinions in German, Ukrainian and Moldavian press. The Russian TV («The 6th channel») even dedicated to my creation 15 minutes story and it was shown in the one of the popular programs «Vremechko».
In 2000 I made a site-catalogue of my best works and put it on the internet, and I also took part in the photo competition of the site photographer.ru and got the first price for my work “Ieroglif”.
But in 2000 I made a fatal error: I was run by a lot of interesting and attractive propositions from the owners of the «private» web-sites; I started making the «content» for these resources. And in autumn of 2000 in Odessa I opened stationary photo-theatric studio «Lilit» (from the very beginning it was called «Studio 13») and I almost completely moved to Ukraine.
I have never made shootings of porno, the art level of my works has depressed because a lot of money were being spent for the containing of the studio and I needed fund and I had to do a lot of routine work in order to gain some money. From the beginning the enterprise was followed by a very good commercial success but pretty soon I had business rivals and ill-wishers of all color cast from the sanctimonious moral persons from the public and religious organizations to the local criminal “security” who pretended for the percent of the money of my studio (to tell the truth that times we were living form hand to mouth – I put nothing in my pocket from the gained money).
In spring of 2002 the Police of Odessa raided the studio, because of this the studio was closed all the equipment was appropriated and the action was brought before a court. We were charged of producing porno production etc. I was very lucky and I could escape the arrest because that time I was in Kishinev. From Kishinev I returned to Germany (where I lived till the opening of the studio in Odessa), and later form Germany I moved to the USA in 2004, I have been a citizen of the USA since1987.
After the defeat of the studio there were a lot of strange and slanderous materials in the press and in the internet they were charging me of everything. From the beginning I did not pay attention to all these accusations because the official representatives of the law machinery of both Germany and of the USA assured me that they did not consider my works as porno and there was no reclamation from the law. But slanderous accusations continue even nowadays in the Mass-Media and in the internet even in spite of my refusing about proceeding working about my project more than 5 years ago and I also announced this action and I also add that referring to the “nymphet subject area” was mistaken and not “politically correct”.
Because of all these accusations in the Mass-Media I had a feeling that I was chosen as an object for humiliation by some strange powerful forces. With time this feeling has transformed into the delirium of persecution, my using of psychotropic agents enabled this feeling.
If only the case had ended with some comments in the yellow press I would not have paid a lot of attention to it. But after the publishing of these comments there was the whole lot of anonymous mailing of slanderous materials to my friends and my neighbors and after that a lot of them ended communicating with me for good. But I can not believe that a lot of people whom I have known for a lot of time believed in these slanderous materials. I thought that these people did not doubt in my honesty and cleanliness.
I have got several assumptions about the «forces» which carry out such a strange campaign of humiliation. But to tell the truth even for me these assumptions seem to be crazy, so I do not want to share them with you now.
And for the end I want to mark that being a physically and I hope mentally, healthy, volitional adult person I am aware of that all my fears and alarms might be groundless (and moreover during my psychotechnics I could assured myself that in the physical world there is nothing to be afraid of : the worst thing what can happen to us is death but death is imminent and from the other hand death is not the end of our existing it is the bridge from one condition to another level of existence). But this is a no-go feeling of foreign and even of hostility of the visual environment this feeling becomes intolerable. I refused my thought about «changing the world» long ago and I want to proof nothing to nobody. But earlier I thought that in this world there were several persons who understood me (and this gave me the meaning for my future existing and for my art work), but now all the illusions and dreams are crashed. I have got only pain, annoyance (firstly on myself) and fatigue. And also I feel perplexity: how can people be so cruel, ignorant and so self-confident? They are not people anymore, maybe they are zombie, аre not they? Maybe I am not a human anymore, maybe I am a monster, am not I? How can I live? Is the life worth of living?.
June, 2007, Jerusalem

One Response to Sasha Fradise “Medical report”

  1. Grisha, thank you very much for publishing this publication I wish you good luck to you and to Irina in your unequal struggle with sanctimonious persons and with idiots! 
About my “Medical Report” I want to adjust and explain something. 
First of all this text was made as a private letter –like a call for help – to one my familiar physician. But the physician has given me the runaround, and from now the “Medical Report” – is an open letter. Fact which we can find in this letter is still urgent nowadays, but their acuity has worn out a little bit.
Secondly, I consider it necessary to add that nowadays we authors who works in the area of soft highly artistic erotic have not got chances for surviving both in the art and in live. Because of the North-American fanatics and hypocrites the negative opinion about our genre is spreading rapidly all over the world. It is being done so fast that sometimes I think involuntary about involving “otherworldly forces”: with the use of common sense and with the rational reasons I can not explain such burst of wildness and of obscurantism.
And for the end I want to attract everyone’s opinion and I want to mark that a lot of famous people were humiliated during different periods of their lives, among them not only Grigory Galitsin but also and Your obedient servant but there were also John Sturges, Ron Oliver, Aurelia Chepulinskayte and even the person whose name is famous all over the world Jan Saudek!

    25.08.09
Jerusalem

Добавить комментарий

Ваш e-mail не будет опубликован. Обязательные поля помечены *